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Saturday, December 09, 2006 Ö
Posted by Janice 1:33 AM

I'm truly disappointed to an extent that I'm tired... Tired of smiling on the outside n sad on the inside. I've tried my very best, I swear, maybe to others I may not have tried hard enough, but I've gone way over my limit which I know myself. Dealing with people who are insensitive is way too tiring, it always seems like I'm giving in and considering their emotions while they take me for granted.

How would you feel if your so-called best friend read through the newspaper and saw a movie advertisement and said: "Wonder if she wanna watch this show..." Immediately, she rushed to her mobile n smsed her friend while I'm sitting there as if I'm invisible, as if I don't wanna watch the show. This happened twice and I just felt disappointed, I don't know why. Have you asked me if I wanna watch? Okay, people are not obliged to watch every single movie with me but whenever I ask her out, she always say no. For instance, I simply mentioned that after I quit, she can take a day off and we can meet for some karaoke session. What she gave was a expressionless face. When I ask her if she wanna go down to Plaza Singapura to check out Yamaha Piano lessons? She said she had to check out her mobile phones stuff and couldn't go.

I remembered stating this in my previous entry.

"Only now then I realized YOU accept ppl's invitation readily whereas I take NO for an answer more often. Only now then I realized YOU initiate outtings with your other friends whereas I initiate an outting with YOU."

At first, I thought I was too harsh in my words, I jumped into conclusion too easily. But now.. I guess its true afterall. Have you ever consider my emotions? When I heard what she say after seeing that movie advertisement, I felt like crying, I feel as if I'm the silly one thinking that if I put more effort, things will improve. Maybe one day you will ask me out because I'm a spare tire or all your friends are not free coincidentally. Or even you will never ask me out again and whenever I ask you out in the future, your answer will be NO. I'm seriously tired emotionally and I don't know how long can I hang on... All I wanna say is I'm tired to be the initiative party, I do need companion who can be as initiative and share the load...